I Hope Y’all Choke: The Third Installment in the “I’M STRESSED” Series

I can’t believe my life has come to this point where I’m actually making a post about this

If you don’t know the story of me and Z, here’s a recap:

My friends, Vegetable, Hammer, Flower, Water, and Burger, all ship me with Z. How did this happen? Hammer, Burger, and I were going home on the train, and Hammer was talking about her “men.” She decided that I needed a “man” for some reason, and Burger suggested all these random people until she mentioned Z. Hammer and Burger agreed that Z was the best possible match for me because we’re both “small (short) and cute.”

Many things have happened since then. I made 2 very detailed posts about this [x,x] about my previous struggles, and I recommend you read them first to understand some of the “inside jokes” in here. I’m gonna add even more here.


First of all, someday this month, Vegetable and I were walking home together because everyone else ditched us and we ran into Z’s friend, Cheesecake. Because Cheesecake is Z’s friend, Vegetable said she was gonna “help” me and get Z’s number. She asked Cheesecake for Z’s number, and surprisingly, he actually showed it to us. I didn’t get a good look at it because I didn’t actually want to know, but Vegetable was like, “Write it down!” I didn’t listen to her obviously.

The next day, Cheesecake teased me in art, asking if I still wanted Z’s number, but I blamed it on Vegetable. I overreacted and though Cheesecake told Z because they’re friends, and friends tell each other shit like that. Luckily, I got my other friend who isn’t involved with these people, Queen, to ask Cheesecake because they’re kinda friends and Cheesecake claims he didn’t tell Z, but I’m not sure he’s telling the truth. Why? I overreact too much.


My friends and I are in a group chat on Instagram along with a bunch of other people because that’s the normal friend group thing. One day, Vegetable decided to tell us that she was gonna “help” me “catch the wave” and said she dmed Z. She said she was gonna get me his number again because I didn’t care enough to remember. She had a good look at it and asked if the number she “remembered” was his, but apparently he said it wasn’t his. She called for Flower to help, and then they started planning our wedding.


Another day, Burger, Water, and I ran in Cheesecake and his other friend, Nasty. We were all on the train together because our school seems to really love the front of the train station. Cheesecake brought up Z for some reason, and Burger and Water were “fangirling.” They were like “Oh my god, you ship them together too?!” Nasty, who’s also Z’s friend, was like, “Z? Which Z?” (Obviously, he didn’t say “Z,” but his actual name, but I’m not disclosing that.) Burger was like, “the small one.” Nasty probably thinks I like Z now, and might tell him just because. Wow I need to stop overreacting.

Cheesecake and Nasty got off at a stop, and it was just me and my friends. At our stop, Burger noticed an ad for lingerie, and was like “Oh! You’re gonna buy that for PBJ!” to Water, and “You too, but for Z” to me. This is very minor, but it’s still an incident so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Yesterday, Vegetable told me that she told Z that she planned our wedding. (Personally I think that’s creepy, but ok.)  If Z didn’t thought I was a creep before these new incidents happened, I’m pretty sure he does now.


I was already stressing out over her dming him before, so I asked Queen to ask Z if Vegetable talked him recently. Queen said she would, but every time she’s asked him something, he’s always like “I don’t know,” which is weird because my other friend, Poodle, says he’s so helpful in our language class when he still sat her table. I even said that she could ask someone else to ask him because I just needed answers. I, of course, expected good answers, meaning that he’d talk about what Vegetable said, but did not get what I wanted. I had a field trip today so I reminded her to ask and tell me when I come back. When I returned, Queen said she asked Cheesecake to ask Z in lunch (?), but he forgot the question, so he had to ask in the hallway when his class was dismissed. According to Queen, all he said was, “Yeah, but I forgot what she said.” I don’t believe that he forgot, but I can’t find out anymore because Queen said if Cheesecake asks again, it’ll seem creepy as well.


I should write a book on this someday. It’ll sell for millions.


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